


She won't stay out of my head

by AMysteriousWr1ter



Category: The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: Amity Blight Has a Crush on Luz Noceda, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Bisexual Disaster Luz Noceda, Bisexual Luz Noceda, Bisexuality, Boscha is pansexual, Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Lesbian Character, F/F, F/M, Gay Disaster Amity Blight, Gus isn't going to fall for Matt because Matt is a dick, Homophobia, Homophobia is in later chapters, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, Lesbian Character, Lumity, M/M, Matt is a dick, Nice Boscha (The Owl House), Self-Hatred, Simp Amity Blight, The Emperor's Coven (The Owl House), The Owl House but 2 years later, Useless Lesbian Amity Blight, Useless Lesbians
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:21:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27159236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AMysteriousWr1ter/pseuds/AMysteriousWr1ter
Summary: Amity has been in love with Luz Noceda for 3 years but doesn't even know it. Or maybe she does, she's just in denial. 2 years after Luz leaves The Boiling Isles, Amity spots her in the market place. She panics (Gay panic alert) and doesn't know what to do. Eventually she contacts Luz, who looks completely different but is still the same otter loving, bisexual disaster. Amity tries to confess to Luz, but her own worries get in her way.(I'm horrible at writing descriptions. Also, this will most likely be 15 chapters, but maybe more or less. Will probably be in a series).Luz and Amity are beta, but Amity is rocking a leather jacket.
Relationships: Amity Blight/Luz Noceda, Boscha/Willow Park, Emira Blight/Viney
Comments: 11
Kudos: 51





	1. I panic every time I see her

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Amity is really depressed.  
> (I only know what it looks like from experience and research. Please let me know if I need to fix something).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amity is sulking again.. in an empty classroom. She keeps panicking over the girl she saw last night for the first time in 2 years- Luz Noceda. Amity cuts class to go and find her but gets lost in the forest. Something hits her and then she is face to face with the girl who started it all.

Amity’s POV 

I pace back and forth across the empty classroom. I can’t get her out of my head. Her stupid hat, her stupid smirk, her stupid mouth, her stupid lips- My face goes red. God dammit, why am I thinking of her lips? Every time I see her, that’s all I focus on. It’s like everything around me is silent and it’s just me and her. When she enters the room, my cheeks turn beet red and I zone out. I can’t pay attention in class with her beside me. I can’t check penstagram if she’s beside me, wearing that god-awful cat hood. I can’t be part of a conversation she’s in. If I look at her while practicing magic my spells fail. Somehow Luz Noceda was the one thing stopping me from being on top. 

First, she embarrassed me in front of the Emperor's Covent. Then she stole my diary. Luz managed to befriend me and change my life for the better. And then she managed to destroy it by moving away. And here I am, panicking in an empty classroom because of last night. Last night when I saw her for the first time in 2 years. 

I climb onto a desk and curl up in a ball. This is the first time I’ve shown physical signs of panic- outside of the privacy of my room. But with Ed and Em, there never is any real privacy. Ever since Luz left, they were a bit different. They were less cheerful for a while, but that quickly changed once they went back to poking fun at me. Luckily, it wasn’t too bad. I think they found out how much I missed Luz and decided to go easy on me. But their definition of easy was much different than mine. I don’t want their pity, but sometimes it’s nice to be left alone. 

Their pranks differed, but were slightly tolerable. Tolerable as in I didn’t put a spell on them after they did something. Well, I did put a spell on them over the summer. It was during my date with another student I went to class with. We were watching the sunset when Ed did something horrible. He dumped a bucket of paint onto me. Apparently, he had climbed a tree and waited until we were about to kiss to do so. I still haven’t forgiven him. But I doubt my forgiveness means anything to Ed or Em. 

The only person who wanted my forgiveness was Luz. Luz... My eyes suddenly go wide. I zoned out again, just like I do when I see her. Or when I used to see her. I hate correcting myself. It just reminds me that she’s gone- or was until last night. 

The bell roars, and I get off the desk. More like I fall off it. I still haven’t gotten used to the screams the bell makes. I don’t think I ever will. 

I shuffle out of the empty classroom and into the sea of Hexside students. I can’t focus on school. I try to ignore the thought of skipping class to see Luz, but it’s a bit too overpowering. I roll my eyes at my vulnerability. Then I turn around, pushing against the crowd. It’ll be nice to see Luz. I’ll be a mess, but based off last night, she seems to be doing fine. And looking fine. My eyes go wide. “Amity, stop thinking of her,” I mumble to myself. “But you’re going to see her. You’re skipping your test in history today,” says my inner voice. I ignore my thoughts and continue down the hallway. I pull my hood up and duck past Boscha and her friends. It still feels weird not saying “my friends.” I may be feared by some, but I’m not on top anymore. The top spot went to Boscha. 

Things are different between me and Boscha, but now I’m friends with Gus and Willow. I’m still a little awkward around them, but I think they’ve accepted me. And because I know Willow and Boscha, I am well aware that those two have it bad for each other. I even heard rumors that they hooked up, which is probably true. But I’m a good-ish friend, so I won’t say anything. 

Good because I’m nice and kind to those who are the same to me. Ish because I’m too distracted by my own issues to care for them at the same time. And it’s not like things are all okay after I bullied Gus and Willow for years. I know I only cared about power and status those 2 and a half years ago, but things are different now. For starters, my style has changed drastically. Now I tend to wear my hair down and have two ear piercings on one ear. Plus, I’ve started wearing leather jackets. Obviously, my parents do not approve. 

But now I don’t care much about their approval. When they disagree with me, it stills hurts, but now I feel freer. Luz really helped destroy those walls that I had when caring about everything. I still do, just not status anymore. Now I just have horrible anxiety and trust issues. Hopefully I can sort those out sometime, but I doubt it. 

After exiting Hexside, I run down the stone steps. It feels good to have the fresh air blow in my face. I take my hair band off and let my hair flow freely. Speaking of my hair, I remind myself to dye it green later. My brown roots are taking over, which is something my mother has disliked for a long time. I don’t care about her opinion; she just controls me all the time. She’s the reason I died it in the first place. 

I sigh. I need to stop thinking about my mother. It stresses me out. Even hearing her has a big effect on my mental health. And I really don’t need to think about her while I’m looking for Luz. I shake my head, looking around. While getting lost in my thoughts, I ended up in a forest. So now I am completely lost. 

I glance up at the trees. They tower over me, cloaking the ground of the forest in shadows. I hold out my hand and cast a light spell. It shines in the darkness. Luckily, I’m not too deep in the forest, so I can still see. I take a step forward and crunch a twig. I jump back, scared by the sudden sound. I mean surprised. Blights don’t get scared. I sigh, my chest falling. I wish the things my parents said were actually true. But alas, I’m not a perfect student. If my parents even knew the things I thought, they’d be shocked. I’m sure they’d disown me for liking girls, let alone fraternizing with a human. I’ve wished of doing more than that to Luz. My face suddenly goes red. I meant doing more than that WITH Luz. 

I groan, rolling my eyes. My brain is on the fritz today. Maybe I’m just broken. I wish I could just be fixed. Most of the time I’m happy- I think. I sit down on a stump. Whenever I’m alone my thoughts drift and I sulk. I’ve been blaming it on Luz and her departure, but I know it’s not her. I need to deal with my problems. I would see a counselor, but my parents see it as weak. They see everything as weak. Everything that isn’t like them is weak in their eyes. 

Honestly, I want to move away when I graduate Hexside. I want to move away now, but I can’t. My parents would end me and cut off me from my friends. They’re both control freaks. I seriously hope I don’t grow up like- 

Out of nowhere, something suddenly hits me in the face. “What the fuck?” I shout, clutching my nose, blood trickling down my face. 

The bushes rustle, and somebody pops out from behind them. I see somebody with a beanie and an oversized flannel on run over to me. 

“Fucking watch it!” I shout, wiping blood off my face. 

The person runs up to me. “¡Oh, mierda! lo siento mucho,” they shout, bending over to see if I’m alright. I look up, and my face turns red. 

“Luz?” I ask, freezing. I know I look stupid, just gawking at her. I look at her and get lost in her eyes. Her beautiful, brown, shiny eyes. 

Luz steps back. She stares at me, thinking. After a few seconds her eyes go wide with realization. “Amity? Holy- is that you?” she asks, hands going to her mouth. 

I’m about to stare at her lips, but I stop myself. I’m already awkward enough. I grimace, preparing to think about her even more throughout the next few years. 

“Amity?” she asks, waving her hand in front of my face. Right in front of my face. “You zoned out for a sec.” 

No shit, of course I did. You come here after 2 years looking super-hot and don’t expect me to zone out? I continue staring at her, and then realize I haven’t spoken. “Yeah, of course is it,” I squeak. I’m lucky I managed to say anything at all. In the past, I used to just blush and awkwardly stare at her. Which I'm doing now, but I'm talking.

Luz laughs. She holds out her hand and I stare at it. After a few seconds of awkward silence, I grab it. She wraps her fingers around mine, pulling me up. I stop breathing and turn red once more. If I keep this up, I’ll pass out one day. Luz pulls me up and our mouths almost touch. I notice she’s blushing, so I back up a bit. Maybe I just think she's blushing. My face is burning hot, so I'm a bit too distracted while I draw to remain calm. 

Luz decides to speak first. “So, how’s it been?” she asks, grinning from ear to ear. 

I shrug, looking at the ground. I look up and notice Luz is still waiting for a verbal response. “Oh,” I mumble. “It’s been fine.” 

Luz raises her eyebrows. She can read me better than the back of her foot. Wait- I think I messed up that human expression. She’ll have to tell me it again. 

“Amity, are you sure? You look like you’ve been feeling...” Luz looks at my leatherjacket. “Kind of off lately. Either that or you’re suppressing all your feelings down and going through a punk phase.” 

I almost choke on air. Fuck, she can see right through me and my fake confidence. I shouldn’t have spent that entire summer reading the Azura books in my old library hide-out. I haven’t told anyone, but I still have access to it. Maybe I’ll show it to Luz sometime. Now that she's here I keep wanting to show her around. But before I do so, it'd be best to talk with her after all these years. 

“No, no, no, no,” I stutter, “I’m doing good.” Luz isn’t convinced. She looks at me like I must think she’s stupid. I rub the back of my neck. “it’s just- weird seeing you after all this time. I’ve really missed you. Why didn’t you ever call?” 

Luz looks at her feet, full of guilt. “I never knew what to say,” she mutters. “I really wish I did write, but I’m here now.” Luz glances at me, hopefully. 

I nod back. “Yeah, that’s good,” I add. It's a horrible response, but I also understand. I could've written to her- somehow. I know nothing about the human realm. 

After more silence, Luz walks over to a tree branch and sit on it. It shakes a little as she bounces on it. I slowly follow her and sit beside her. I stare at my shoes for a while. I try to dust some mud off my socks. It doesn't come out. I'll just wash them later. I suddenly look back at Luz, remembering she's here. We meet eye contact and she immediately turns. I smile, and notice Luz looking at my from the corner of her eyes. She grins, turning back to me. 

“Just one thing,” she says. “How come you weren’t more surprised to see me? I figured you’d pass out. That’s why I planned to have Ed and Em force you into the Owl House, saying there was a surprise.” 

I chuckle. There’s no way that plan would’ve worked, but I secretly appreciate the thought. “To be honest, I did see you last night at the market. I wanted to say hi, but,” I trail off. 

“You didn’t know what to say,” finishes Luz. I nod. 

Luz smiles. She leans towards me and wraps her arms around me. I blush. I feel like my face is burning. I think she’s doing a hug or something. King tries to give me one whenever I see him, which isn’t often. In return he makes me give him belly rubs. He’s quite the character. 

Luz hugs me tighter. “I’ve missed us,” she whispers. 

I instantly clench up as my eyes go wide. Luz is trying to give me a heart attack. 

Luz seems to notice this because she stops embracing me. “Are you sick, Amity?” 

I nod my head and say, “no,” at the same time.

Luz laughs, punching me on the elbow. “You’re hilarious, Amity!” she giggles. I blush even harder, which I didn’t think was possible. But there’s a lot I didn’t think was possible.

“T-thanks,” I stammer. I smile back. “By the way, where were you? Do you have a scroll now?” I Iower my volume. I said all that too enthusiastically. 

Luz nods. “Yep! Eda gave me one yesterday. I’ll add your number into it!” she exclaims, pulling out her scroll. Luz types my number into it. “And I’ve been in the human realm. I’m staying here for a while.” She hands me back my scroll. 

“Wait, how’d you get my number?” I’d never told Luz it before. 

“Ed and Em gave it to me!” 

Of course, those two knew about Luz before me. Up until now I had thought that Luz was going to tell them about surprising me, not that she had already done it. Luz seems to notice my silence, as she’s raising her eyebrows and staring right at me. 

“Is that okay?” she asks. 

Honestly, not really, but I don’t tell her that. “No, it’s fine!” I shout. 

Luz laughs. “Amity, you really seem jumpy today. Did you choke on a leaf again?” 

I chuckle. Before Luz had gone, I had accidentally gotten a leaf stuck in my mouth. I’m surprised that she still remembers. “No, no, no, I’m good.” I wave reassuringly.

Luz grins from ear to ear. “Anyways!” she exclaims, climbing off the tree branch, “Want to go to the owl house? Eda said she would make dinner- hopefully she didn’t burn it this time.” Luz crosses her arms, waiting for my response. 

“Sure,” I say, barely whispering. “That’d be nice.” 

“Let’s go!” shouts Luz, grabbing my hands. She wraps her fingers around mine and pulls me forward. My face burns again. I never knew that holding hands with a human would feel so... relaxing and... lovely.


	2. I'm too scared too do anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luz takes Amity to The Owl House and plays a song. Amity makes a huge mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Internalized homophobia.
> 
> I edited the end of chapter one, so please read after the part where Luz asks if Amity is sick. I added some more details after that.  
> Also, to set the mood for this chapter, I'd suggest listening to "I wanna be your girlfriend" by Girl In Red.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCOfUWqS2eA&list=RDEMKwbwyS2A4K5XTohVoi4ukA&index=3  
> This song is listened to in this chapter by Luz and Amity, so feel free to listen to it.  
> (I'll be doing this for the rest of my chapters).

Amity's POV

Luz pulls me into the owl house before I can see Hooty. I don’t think either of us have forgotten when I beat the shit out of him for annoying me. To be fair, I would do it again if possible. 

“Amity, follow me!” shouts Luz, pulling me up the stairs. I stumble after her. She’s still clenching my hand. I’m still redder than a demon. 

“Where are we going?” I yell, jumping over the mess of human crap on the floor. I assume Eda left it out. I haven’t seen her selling it as often, but I try to avoid the market. It's crowded, full of noisy people, and memories of Luz and I. 

“To my room!” Luz kicks open a door. On the front of it is a badge and 4 animals. A lion, snake, badger, and fish. Wait- no, that’s a raven. I’ve forgotten the names of most animals Luz told me about. 

“What’s that?” I ask, pointing to it. 

Luz beams at me. “Those are the Hogwarts Houses! They’re from Harry Potter!” She looks saddened when she notices my confused expression. “You’ve never read Harry Potter?” 

I shake my head. “Nope. We have different children’s books than humans.” 

“Oh, I forgot.” Luz yanks me inside her room and slams the door shut. She takes out a glyph and sends light orbs towards the ceiling, illuminating her room. 

I glance around. Luz has piles of clothes everywhere. Her bed is in the same place as it was when I last came here. It’s tucked away in the corner, but this time there are a ton of bright pillow piled on top. Luz has drawings taped on the wall, hanging over her desk, which sits by the window. I look towards the door and see even more “Harry Potter” posters up. Luz must be obsessed. And of course, there’s a bookshelf full of all of Luz’s Azura books. I walk over and pick one up. 

“You still have this?” I ask, wiping dust off the cover. 

“Yeah! I still love those books,” replies Luz, putting her arms on her hips. 

I smile. That was a dumb question to ask. Luz would rather break all of her bones than get rid of The Good Witch Azura books. “Is it okay if I sit down?” I ask, referring to a purple beanbag that lay at the foot of Luz’s bed. 

“Of course, Amity!” Luz hops onto her bed. 

I sit down on the beanbag, keeping my good posture. Ed and Em always tell me to relax, but that’s pretty difficult to do- at least for me. 

“You can lay down, silly,” chuckles Luz, who has noticed that my back is straighter than a ruler. 

“Oh- uh- alright,” I stutter, laying down on the beanbag. It takes a few minutes to get used to. I keep shifting my position. 

“Hey Amity?” 

“Yes?” I look towards Luz’s direction. 

“Is it okay if I play music?” Luz picks up her rectangle- or phone. I need to remember these human terms. 

“Sure.” 

Luz squeals with excitement, and starts blasting music. “You’ll love this!” 

I murmur, “Maybe,” but she doesn’t seem to hear me. 

“Oh Hannah, I wanna feel you close. Oh Hannah, come lie with my bones. Oh Hannah, don’t look away. Oh Hannah, just look at me the same.” 

Luz sways her head to the music. I’ll give her credit; this is actually calming. I have no idea what the song is about, but it still relaxes me. It’s like it’s speaking to me. 

“I don’t wanna be your friend, I wanna kiss your lips.” 

I always gag on nothing. Luz perks up, staring at me. This song is gay... this song is very gay... 

“I wanna kiss you until I lose my breath. I don’t wanna be your friend-” 

Luz crawls on her to bed until she’s reached me. “Everything okay?” she asked, looking concerned. 

“Yes, everything’s great!” I shout, startling Luz. She sees right past me. I look at her, and she seems hurt. I don’t know how I offended her, but I clearly hurt her a lot. 

Luz reaches for her phone and pauses the music. “Amity, is something wrong?” 

“No,” I lie. Something is very wrong. It’s not her fault, it’s mine. I can’t deal with my own fucking feelings and now she’s noticing. I’ve kept them down for 2 years and I’m making everything about me. I can’t even remain calm during a song about girls wanting to kiss. Not that it’s wrong- it's just that my parents would disinherit me if they ever heard me listen to it- or kiss girls. 

Luz stares at me, and then her eyes go wide. She seems to think of something. “Amity....” starts Luz, who seems to be shaking a bit. “You’re not homophobic, right?” 

I stop breathing. No, no, no, no, no! I’m not- I'm- I don’t think I’m straight... I’m frozen in place, but not for a good reason. This can’t be happening. I imagine what my parents would think of me if I was honest with Luz, or with them. I’d lose everything. I’ve already lost my high status, which was horrible and disgusting in my parent’s eyes. I can’t do this. I try to move, but can’t. I want to tell Luz, but I don’t understand myself. Being queer is bad, right? That’s what I’ve been taught for the longest time. That’s why Edric was sent to therapy after he once said that a guy in his class looked cute. He was only ten, and was faced with such a horrible punishment. I try not to think what would happen to me if I confronted my parents about it. 

I reach towards Luz, trying to talk. I move my mouth, but no sound comes out. 

Luz flinches and scoots away from me. “Amity?” she asks, tears in her eyes. 

I can’t say anything. 

Luz looks scared of me. “You’re fine with it, right?” she asks. 

“I-” I start, but sign. There’s no point in saying anything. I can’t tell her- or anyone. I want to, and I still try to, but something stops me from speaking. 

Luz stares at the ground. “Amity? You’re fine with it, right?” she questions. Luz looks down at me, and I can see that she is starting to panic. 

“Luz-” I try to grab her hands, but my arms won’t move. Luz just stares at me. Her expression is cold and sad at the same time. 

I finally remember how to breathe again. My chest rises quickly. I stand up. “I- I need to go.” I run out of the room, leaving Luz behind me- looking hurt. I run out of the Owl House before Eda, King, or that god damn bird can speak to me. 

I run down the dirt road, panting heavily. Instead of running towards Blight Manor, I head towards the woods. I run into them until I can’t run. I end up in a deserted clearing. My lips quiver, and I slump against a tree. Then I hug my legs and cry. I cry about everything that’s happened. I cry about being ashamed of myself. I cry about lying to Luz. I cry about ruining everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this is so short. I wanted to make it longer, but didn't know what else to say.  
> And to clarify, Amity doesn't know that Luz is bi. She's only homophobic towards herself because she knows her parents won't accept her.


	3. My stomach hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luz has been avoiding Amity, who hasn't shown up for school for the past week until today. She doesn't know what to do. She has horrible anxiety, stomach cramps, and a lot of emotions flying around her head. Luz doesn't know how to reach out to Amity, but somebody does.
> 
> TW: Homophobia (On accident because Amity didn't intend to seem homophobic towards Luz).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally uploaded a drawing I did of Lumity in the outfits they wear in this. (Minus Amity's leather jacket, which I will draw later). I'll also post sketches on my instagram, @drawing13ducks
> 
> And I will only be uploading once to three times a week, depending on how long each chapter is. (Each POV is a new chapter).

To see the drawing, go to https://www.instagram.com/p/CGynctTAT6h/  
It wouldn't let me upload the drawing.

Luz's POV

I flop onto my bed, staring at the ceiling. I haven’t felt like eating for the past 2 days. I’ve started going back to Hexside, but I haven’t seen Amity. Even though I don’t want to, it feels weird with her being absent. I haven’t told Willow or Gus what happened, but they’re bound to catch on. Willow has been hanging out with Boscha lately... which is weird. I’m a little too occupied with panicking about Amity to concern myself with Boscha and Willow. 

Amity... I haven’t spoken to her since the incident. Honestly, I only expected her parents to be homophobic and not her. I know I should stop being friends with her if she doesn’t support me, but Amity is awesome. Or- was awesome. As I think this my stomach rumbles. I should be eating food, but I don’t want to. Eda almost forced me to eat some bat-cakes but I refused. I think she’s trying to give me some space. 

The only person who hasn’t given me space is King. He’s been more cuddly than normal, which is amazing. Sometimes I just need an adorable demon to snuggle with. Luckily, King hasn’t protested as much compared to normal, but sometimes he’ll squirm and kick. 

I glance beside me and see King all curled up, snoring. I would take a photo of him, but the flash always wakes him up and then he’s grumpy. 

“Kid!” shouts Eda from downstairs. “Time for school!” 

I groan. Not school. I seriously don’t think I can do this today. 

As if she hears me, she shouts, “I don’t have time to babysit you! I know you feel sick, but you’ll feel better later!” 

I sigh as I grab my backpack. I already have my uniform on. I haven’t taken it off since yesterday. Last night I just fell onto my bed and didn’t move for a few hours.

If I could, I would do that right now. But knowing Eda, she’ll force me outside anyways. Last weeks he made Hooty scoop me up, and I do not need to be woken up like that again. 

I trudge down the stairs, each step creaking loudly. Eda greets me at the bottom. 

“You stink,” she says, groaning. 

Makes sense. I haven’t changed clothes since yesterday. “I’ll take a shower,” I mumble. 

Eda rolls her eyes. She forms a spell circle and suddenly I’m no longer smelling like a troll, and she so loving puts it. 

“You can do that?” I ask, a small grin forming on my face. 

Eda nods. “Yep. I just decided it’s more fun seeing you complain whenever you have to take a shower,” she cackles. 

Of course... I don’t know why I expected Eda to actually reveal her spells to me. “Is there anything else you can do?” 

“Yes, but I’m not showing you.”  
That sounds about right. I roll my eyes and open the door. The latch slides open as I see Hooty stretch away from the door. 

“HELLO, LUZ!” yells Hooty, twisting in the air. 

“Hi, Hooty,” I mumble. I’m not in a mood to talk at the moment. I close the door shut and head down the dirt path. I’m not in a mood to walk, eat, see Amity, or anything. At least I won’t have to see her in class. 

I thought reading Azura and everything would be the beginning of our friendship, but now everything is awkward. Looking back to our secret book club, Amity was always awkward when Hectate and Azura started dating. Her face was always red. It’s like she was blushing but I think she just felt sick at seeing two perfectly normal, fucking amazing women be in love with each other. 

I clench my fists as I stomp towards Hexside. I need to take a chill pill. 

I need to stop thinking about Amity.


	4. I want to strangle myself out of annoyance right now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amity is finally back at Hexside after a few days of staying home. Willow convinces her to speak with Luz and she tries to. Things don't go super well. The next few chapters is basically Willow helping Luz and Amity and being a third wheel.  
> Amity says something in front of a student and ends up facing consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, Boscha is pansexual, but not openly. I'll do a chapter from her POV later.
> 
> Feel free to ask any questions! 
> 
> TW: Homophobia (On accident because Amity didn't intend to seem homophobic towards Luz).  
> Towards the end of the chapter there may be some intended homophobia.

Amity’s POV 

As I step inside Hexside my stomach immediately rumbles. I feel extremely sick. Not just from my encounter with Luz, but also from lack of sleep. But I guess the lack of sleep is because of what happened. All of my recent outbursts of anger and emotion have been because of what happened. I’ve had worse anxiety than normal, and I fidget a lot when I’m sitting still. I have a feeling that my parents are starting to notice my odd behavior. They always notice when I’m different and not how they want. 

“The first rule of being a Blight is that you must be perfect and exceed in everything.” My mother’s words echo in my head. I think back to when she made me dye my hair green. At least I got to pick out the color of green. I was into Azura then so of course I chose the same dye color that she uses, but I still wish I could go back to my natural brown hair. I brush some hair behind my ears, or “elf ears” as Luz calls them. 

For the longest time I thought my ears were normal for everybody, but I guess all humans have round ears. Luz taught me a lot about being human. She promised to take me to her realm, but she left without much notice. I need to fix things with her. Fix out relationship. I don’t even know how much longer she’ll be staying here. 

Suddenly, somebody bumps into me. 

“Watch it, moron!” I yell. I’ve been nicer recently, but I cannot stand it when people bump into me. I reserve being patient and forgiving to my friends. 

A first year sits on the floor. He looks terrified. I instantly feel a pang of guilt. 

I stick out my hand to him. “Sorry!” I shout, pulling him up. Then I squeeze past the crowd of students entering Hexside. 

I climb the staircase and walk towards my locker. I tickle it, and it opens. The teeth are sharper than normal. Maybe it found something sharp to chew on. I reach into its mouth and find shards of plastic. It must’ve eaten those human cylinders of ink that Luz gave me. 

I grab my books before I start thinking of Luz and the locker’s jaw snaps shut. I slowly walk down the hallway to Abominations. On the way, I notice Willow, who’s carrying a plant. I bury my face in my books and sprint past her. 

“Amity?” calls somebody. 

I whip my head around. It’s Willow. Okay, time to play it cool, Blight. “Yeah? What’s up?...” I say, drawing each word out. 

Willow raises her eyebrows at me. She lowers her round spectacles and crosses her arms. “What happened between you and Luz?” she asks, glaring at me. 

My face turns crimson. “Nothing!” I say, too quickly. I notice Willow looking at me as if I think she’s stupid. My shoulders fall. I don’t need to be telling her these things. “Blights only associate with a select few,” I repeat in my mind. The words make me feel sick, but sometimes they remind me of consequences that happen from talking with Willow. 

I stare at Willow. She still hasn’t walked away. 

“What happened, Amity?” asked Willow, her voice sterner than before. 

I sigh, slowly exhaling. “Fine,” I mutter, my eyes focused on her shoes. I don’t think I could look Willow in the eyes. I’m weak. 

“There was an incident a few days ago,” I say. “We were in her room and-” 

Willow’s eyes light up. “Wait, did you try and kiss her?” She asks, grinning. 

I shake my head and Willow instantly goes back to frowning. “No, we started play-” My face goes bright red. “Why the fuck would I kiss her?” My body tenses up. 

Willow grins, twisting a strand of her hair. “Oh, I’m not an idiot, Amity. I know you have the hots for each other.” Willow smirks. She knows she’s getting a rise out of me. 

“If you ever say that again I will murder you,” I hiss. 

Willow raises her eyebrows. “Figured that would happen.” 

I groan. “Anyways, we were listening to some music and she thought I was homophobic based on my reaction or some shit,” I murmur, wanting to disappear. 

“That makes sense. You and your entire family seem homophobic,” says Willow, gesturing to my green hair, the main thing that shows I’m a Blight. 

I cross my arms. “You’re not being very helpful,” I say, rolling my eyes. 

Willow smirks again. “Who said I was trying to be helpful?” she says, sticking her tongue out at me. 

She is driving me up the god damn wall. I would punch a hole in the wall from all this anger and stress that’s being built up, but that wouldn't look good. “Stop being such a fucking flirt,” I say, clenching my fists. 

“Alright, Amity,” says Willow, chuckling to herself. After she glances back up at me, she asks, “So what happened?” 

I sigh once more. “Can we sit down or something?” I ask, looking for a bench. “This is going to take a while.” I gesture towards a nearby bench. 

“Sure.” Willow follows me across the hall to the bench. She sits down, her plant on her lap. I sit beside her. 

“Aren’t you afraid to be seen with me?” says Willow, trying to keep a straight face. 

“Shut up,” I quickly mumble. I huff and turn my body so I’m facing her. “Luz listened to some artist that was singing about wanting to kiss a girl.” 

Willow looks at me, confused. “And?” 

“The singer was a girl.” 

“Ohhhh, Girl in Red?” asks Willow, intrigued. 

“I don’t know. But Luz said I’d like the music, which makes me wonder if she knows about...” 

“You being a gay disaster,” adds Willow. She smiles when I cup my hands around my nose, slowly calming down. After a moment of silence, I continue. 

“I- it just caught me off guard. Luz noticed this, and thought I was fucking homophobic. I don’t see why she would care anyways, but I’m not. I tried to tell her, but I started panicking because I haven’t told anybody, but because you know I guess it’s obvious-” I rant, talking quickly. 

Willow nodded, somehow understanding each word I said. “Have you spoken to hear?” 

I gulp. I know I should have, but I feel guilty just thinking of her. “Well, this is my first day going back to school and she doesn’t want anything to do with me.” I cover my face with my hands. I quickly notice I’m in public and people can see me. I return to a calm sitting position, my back straighter than a ruler. 

Willow chuckles. 

“It’s not funny!” I blurt out, my fists shaking. 

Willow slowly stops laughing. “Sorry, sorry,” she mumbles. “I just think you need to talk with Luz.” 

I sigh. She’s right. I don’t want to, but I need to. I mentally kick myself. “Fine, I’ll try. I doubt it’ll work, but I’ll do my best,” I mumble, wanting to strangle myself. 

“Great-” started Willow, but the bell screams. 

“See you later,” I mumble, walking down the hall at a brisk pace. I clutch my books to my chest, giving death-stares to anybody who comes within 15 feet of me. I’m not as feared as I once was, but younger students still run away to avoid getting on my bad side. Everybody but my friends and Boscha’s gang avoid me. 

Boscha has been kinder lately, but mainly towards Willow. I’ve noticed Boscha flirting. Her version of flirting is no longer giving Willow the death stare or trying to curse her. It’s not the best way to flirt, but at least she isn’t bullying Willow anymore. I get too invested in other people’s romantic relationships. Maybe that’s why Boscha keeps texting me about gossip. Talking about others is practically a hobby. It’s fun and would always distract me from Luz and all of my anxiety. 

I would get a counselor, but my parents don’t think I need it. I never brought up Luz to them, so in their eyes, there’s no reason to need counseling. I’m sure my mother and father would expect me to reveal all the family secrets. That wouldn’t be the case, but they don’t trust me. 

My parents have always expected great things of me. They ignore Ed and Em getting into trouble and focus on me. Apparently causing chaos with illusions doesn’t matter when the illusions are amazing and advanced for their age. I think they put too much pressure on me, but I’ve gotten used to it now. It’s taken years to build up walls around myself, making sure I am proper and powerful. Luz tore those walls down, and now I’m a fucking mess who can’t admit to my friend- my crush, that I’m different than others. 

“MS. BLIGHT!” yells the abominations professor. He points at the chalkboard, which shows how to make your abomination turn into a different shape. 

I freeze, obviously caught off guard. I gulp. “Yes?” 

“Please demonstrate how to turn your abomination’s left hand into an axe. Being the top student this must be easy for you,” he responds, gesturing towards the pot my abomination rests in. 

I stand up and open the top of the pot. I concentrate on the blob of purple slime. I raise my hand and it raises its hand. Then I form a spell circle. After a few seconds, the right hand turns into an axe. I raise my hand a few inches and lower it suddenly. The abomination follows my lead. It’s axe-shaped hand clangs against the metal pot. I make it go back into the pot as I slide the lid over. I head back to my seat and sit down. I glance up at the professor, who seems to be amazed. 

“Wonderful, Ms. Blight. I did say left hand, but even that is amazing. Great work, top student,” says the professor, who is grinning from ear to ear. 

I sink into my seat. I didn’t know he said left. I guess that’s what happens when I think of Luz. 

Eventually the bell screams and it’s lunch time. I carry my pot out of the classroom and put it inside my locker. I hope it doesn’t spill like it did the other few times. I also put my books inside. Once I step back from the locker it shuts its mouth and hisses at me. My locker really doesn’t enjoy the taste of abomination goo. I kick it and walk off. 

I head towards the cafeteria. I’m about to sit by Willow when I notice Luz walking towards the table. We meet eye contact for a moment before I turn and walk away. I end up sitting by Boscha, who seems puzzled by my presence. She looks up from her scroll and makes room for me. 

“Hi, Amity,” she says, glancing at Willow’s table. She notices Luz, and her jaw drops. “Wait, is the human back?” she asks, turning to face me. 

“Yep,” I mumble, clenching my fist. 

Boscha seems to notice this, because she turns her scroll off. “Did you talk to her yet? I know you two were....” 

My face turns red again and my eyes go wide. “What the hell do you mean? We don’t like each other. Luz certainly doesn’t like me!” I whisper. 

Boscha laughs. She laughs loudly, causing a few people to stare at us. She glares at them, causing them to turn away. “I’m sorry, you think I’m stupid?” she says, not really asking a question. “You’ve been in love with her for years, idiot.” 

I start to slide down my seat. “Well aware. Thank you,” I mutter, wanting to throw my lunch at her. 

“Wait, what do you mean she doesn’t like you? Is she no longer trying to hug you or hang out with you?” 

I shake my head and wipe my eyes, which were starting to water. “No, I did some stupid shit. I really fucked up, Boscha.” 

Boscha seems taken aback by this. She pats me on the back. “I... er.... I don’t really do hugs, so there’s that,” she explains. Even though it’s not the best way of saying she’s got my back, it still means a lot coming from Boscha. 

“Thanks,” I say, smiling. I’m still bummed out and angry with myself, but that helped a bit. 

“So,” starts Boscha, “What happened? Last I saw her, she was basically head over heels for you.” She looks down at me. 

I’m almost on the floor now. Noticing this, I sit up and straighten my back. “Blights must have good posture.” I never forget something by mother has said. 

“You make it sound like she was in love with me,” I groan. 

Boscha grins. “You’re so dense. She obviously was. For somebody who kind of hates-” I glare at her. “-Mildly dislikes her, I notice a lot.” “I know you both like, or liked each other, so why did nothing happen?” 

I roll my eyes. “She left, and I didn’t realize how much I liked her until it was too late. And you’re one to talk. You keep checking out Willow and you won’t even make a move,” I point out. 

Boscha’s face turns pink. “Who says I haven’t?” she asks, crossing her arms. 

I squint at her as if I’m trying to figure something out. Suddenly, it hits me. “Wait- are you two.... in secret?” I ask, holding back a laugh. 

Boscha glares at me. “NO SHUT UP!” She bangs her fists on the table. 

I start laughing. It feels good to laugh at my friend. I haven’t done it in.... a while. 

Boscha exhales slowly. “Ok, but for the record, you did not hear it from me. Tell Flower and I will fucking end you.” 

I slowly stop laughing and stifle a chuckle. “Flower? That’s an adorable pet name,” I say, trying to get a rise out of her. It works, and steam comes out of her ears. Luz says this normally happens in comics, but it’s real in the Boiling Isles. 

Boscha finally calms down after a minute of groaning. “ANYWAYS, we’re here to talk about you and Luz, not me and Willow.” 

I sigh. She’s right. I got carried away with having fun and now I need to go back to explaining the mess I’m in. “Alright,” I mumble. It takes me a while, but once I’ve explained the shit I’m in, Boscha’s eyes go wide, including her third. 

“Wow,” she says, nearly speechless. “That’s.... that’s a shitty situation. I’m sorry that happened, Amity.” Boscha awkwardly pats me on the shoulder. 

I nod. “It’s fine. I just need to somehow explain why I panicked without saying something I don’t want to tell her,” I add. Boscha nods. She doesn’t seem to know what to say. 

“Well, good luck,” says Boscha after a moment of silence. “Also, is she gay or something?” 

“I don’t know. Probably. I’ve seen her discuss guys being hot, so maybe bi?” 

Boscha nods. “Ok. And she doesn’t need to worry. Her secret is safe with me. I assume it’s a secret. I don’t know if she’s open about it, you know?” 

I nod. I’ve never been open about being gay, and Boscha has never been open about being pansexual. I’ve heard Luz say her mom is supportive, so maybe she told people at home. The Boiling Isles has never been against homosexuality in general, but certain families (like mine) have. 

“Yeah, I know. Anyways, do you mind giving me the deets on you and Willow?” I ask, trying to change the subject. 

Boscha glares at me. She groans loudly. “Ughhh, fine,” she yells. 

I grin. Even though she pretends to hate discussing it, Boscha is really happy to be with Willow and she does love gossip. Boscha picks up her phone and types something. She sends the text and then sets her scroll down. I guess whoever she is texting is too important for her to turn her scroll off. 

“Is that Willow? Also, how long have you two been a thing?” I ask, my eyes practically glowing out of excitement. I grin as Boscha clenches her fists again. 

“Yes, and for about a month,” she responds, wasting no time. Boscha glances at her scroll. Willow hasn’t responded. “She’s right across the room from us? Why hasn’t she responded?” she whines. 

I shrug. “Maybe she’s talking with... Luz,” I mumble, glaring at the food on my plate. I haven’t touched it yet. I don’t feel like eating. Talking with Boscha has really lightened my mood, but I still feel kind of crummy. I look up at Boscha’s scroll dings. 

“She texted back!” squeals Boscha, who’s face goes red as soon as she reads the message. 

“What does it say?” I ask, leaning towards her. 

“Uh... just gushy stuff,” mumbles Boscha, fiddling with her scroll. She turns it away from me as I try to read it. “Personal stuff.” Boscha texts something back and I hear a ding from across the room. 

I raise my eyebrows. “Well, I’m going to the library. Once you’re done sexting Willow you can come,” I say, standing up from the table. 

Boscha’s face goes red. All of her eyes go wide as she clutches her scroll. I quickly exit the cafeteria as Boscha storms after me. She looks livid and very embarrassed. As I turn the corner, I notice a pair of eyes staring at me. I glance out of the corner of my eyes and notice Luz. I stop walking. We look at each other for 3 seconds before she turns away. My stomach hurts again. It feels like it’s being squeezed. 

“Hey, Amity!” shouts Boscha as she catches up with me. She looks a bit more relaxed. “Mention me sexting Flower again and I WILL END YOU.” 

I gulp. Boscha doesn’t say empty threats. She always means it. I’ve learned that from experience. One time she set Viney’s boots on fire because she threatened to do so if her griffin got loose. 

“Alright, alright,” I say, chuckling. I put my hands up. “I mean no harm.” 

Boscha playfully punches me in the arm. “How much longer until next period?" she asks, pulling me towards the library. “If we have enough time, we could grab a snack. I noticed you never ate.” 

I smile. Boscha is a lot kinder than she used to be, and it's nice. I form a spell circle quickly and glance at the time that appears. “We have 3 minutes. Want to hang after school?” I ask. 

“Sure,” says Boscha, heading up the large staircase to her next class. 

I wave goodbye. I glance around and decide to head to the lunchroom and find Skara. I turn around and walk right into somebody. We hit each other’s heads and I fall to the floor. 

“So sorry!” says somebody as they grab my hand. 

They pull me up as I rub my eyes. I see somebody with multiple colors on their sleeves. Holy fucking shit. It’s Luz Noceda. Of all fucking people why the fuck did I have to run into her? 

“oh, you,” she murmurs, brushing past my shoulder. 

I grab Luz’s hand and stop her from moving. “Wait!” I yell. 

Luz glares at me. Her eyes pierce my skin like daggers. “What do you want?” she asks, her hand squeezing mine like she wants to rip it off. 

I stutter for a moment before finally drawing the courage to say, “I miss seeing you.” 

Luz scoffs. “Amity, I want to be your friend, but you’re homophobic! Do you know how messed up that is?” she shouts. Her eyebrows crease and she looks at me like she did the other day in her room. Luz looks as if I just shot her. As if I crushed her heart, which I’m sure I did. 

“I’M NOT HOMOPHOBIC!” I yell. I glance around to make sure I’m not attracting a crowd. 

Luz crosses her arms, letting go of my hand. “Why the fuck should I believe you?” 

My jaw drops. I don’t know what to say. I start to panic. I could tell her why. I don’t want to- I'm not ready. I mean, I can’t be homophobic, I don’t think? Well, I could, but I’m not. My family is, or my parents are, but not me. I’m not homophobic, I’m gay. 

Luz’s eyes go wide. 

I clasp my hands over my mouth as I step back. I think I said the last part out loud. “I- I- I need to go!” I shout, running down the hallways. The ceiling seems to stretch for miles and I feel tiny. I feel like a little kid again, surrounded by tall objects that stood over me. I don’t even bother to look back as I run out of Hexside. I run down the marble steps and down the dirt path. I see a few students standing off to the side and I run past them before anybody can say anything. 

I run into the forest as tears trickle down my cheeks. I curl up into a ball and hug my knees. I cry until there are no more tears left to cry and the water has dried. I cannot believe this is happening. I’m crying AGAIN. “Blights don’t cry. They remain strong and powerful.” I scream as I throw a rock at a tree. This is a fucking nightmare. I just outed myself to Luz. “You can never shed tears, Amity. You need to make others cry, but you may not cry yourself.” My father’s words have cut into me and scarred me. There is never a time where I’ve forgotten what he or my mother have said. I’m about to throw another rock when my scroll buzzes. I dry my eyes and unlock it. 

I have 30 missed calls. I was too busy crying to notice. I have 56 texts, most of them from Boscha. I scroll through them. 

Boscha: AMITY! 

Boscha: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED? 

Boscha: THE CAT IS OUT OF THE BAG 

Boscha: I REPEAT, THE CAT IS OUT OF THE FUCKING BAG 

Boscha: GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE OR CALL ME 

I type out a response, confused. “Tf is going on?” Boscha replies within seconds. 

“Check Pentagram, ASAP,” she responds. 

Puzzled, I go to the home page. I click on the app and my stomach feels uncomfortable as it loads. I check my notifications. I have 132. “The fuck?” I mumble to myself, clicking on the tab. I see that I have been tagged in a post and a lot of comments. I scroll through them, and start to breath quickly. I click on the post I’ve been tagged in and I drop my scroll. My eyes go wide. 

The post is by a random account. I don’t know who runs it, but somehow... somehow, they just outed me to the entire island. 

“Amity Blight is a dyke. She’s a fucking fag. I just saw her yell at somebody, saying she was gay. What a loser and embarrassment to the Blight family.” 

My first thought is Luz, but she’d never do that. I pick up my scroll. I look at the likes. There are 314. This was posted 12 minutes ago, yet somehow, it’s reached a lot of people. I start to cry again. 

Suddenly, my scroll buzzes. It’s a call from Em. I sniffle and try to stop crying. I answer it. “Hello?” I ask, trying not to burst into tears. 

“Are you crying?” asks Emira. 

“Shut it,” mumbles somebody from her end. I assume it’s Ed. 

“Did you check Pentagram?” asks Emira, concerned. “And... is it true?” he asks, hesitantly. 

“Yeah,” I mumble. “I don’t know how...” I sniffle again. It’s impossible to talk. 

There’s a moment of silence until Ed says, “We support you and love you, but I think Mom and Dad may have seen it.” He exhales, trying to remain calm. “I don’t know how they saw it, but they want to speak with you.” 

“Great way to be direct,” complains Em, clearly forgetting I can hear them. 

“Dammit, Em. I’m being honest. You saw what they said about Mittens. No wonder she’s crying. I would be if that happened to me.” 

“I- I can hear you,” I murmur, wiping a tear off my cheek. 

Ed suddenly stops talking. 

“I don’t know if I can face mom,” I admit, hugging my knees. 

Emira sighs. “Well, they will be pissed. You need to come home. If anything happens, we’ll be there with you,” she says. I know she wants to be reassuring but that didn’t help at all. 

“Alright,” I mumble. “I’ll see you then.” I end the call and go back to crying. I’m FUCKING screwed. I just want to die right now. This is a nightmare. I just wish this would end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had a lot of schoolwork to finish, so sorry for making you wait for this chapter. I'll post the next one on time (hopefully). Also, please feel free to ask any questions about the plot or characters.
> 
> Sorry for being a bitch about the storyline.
> 
> UPDATE:  
> Due to classes I'm putting this story on hiatus for a bit. I'll be writing another story I've been planning for a while but taking a break from this.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope I did Lumity justice (so far). This is my first fanfic about them, so I apologize for any mistakes I made. Feedback is greatly appreciated! I know this was rushed, but I don't have much time with class and everything.  
> This isn't my first time writing on AO3, but it's my first time on this account. Also, feel free to suggest anything regarding the characters, romances, or plot.  
> I'm considering pairing Edric with somebody, but who?


End file.
